I certainly can be pointed out from a distance, when it comes to picking up people who freely expresses their feeling of hatred. I solely believe that my personality can be catogorized as an extreme. Love or hatred, the bar setting is either on the right or left. Hating anyone isn't my special area of expertise but hating something about someone I truely confess.
Expression of hating something, I, matter of fact consider honesty.
Emotions such as pressure, loneliness, failure really gets into my nerve though is inevitbale.
And, more than anything in this world, I truely hate certain aspects of my own personality such as no self control, over indulgence, wrong decision making, out of focus, confusions, procastinating and sometimes the ability to make complete full of myself.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The Beauty of Sorrow
Human race, we are completly mesmerizing. Selfish we are but stupidity tags along. How exactly can beauty or perfection be defined? A general theory doesn't seem to help shape the right perception on it. Expectations that fly higher than the bird, yet the truth so vulnerable. A limitation experienced every second, sorrow then bounds to prevail.
Had I not pushed my luck further, I would have never experienced the joy of being a member in a family. Family, in my opinion though long time ago, binded indivuduals unecessarily and complicated thing. But, there are things now that ought to be thanked such as emotions and love that are truely unconditional, truely human. On the process, I met my grandfather. A handsome, proud, self sufficient, stucked up old man. Obviously old since I wasn't around when he was young and yet not saggy old since he died ahead of his time. Affectionate we were to each other, as I surf through my memories. We did share the act of responding and helping in times when we both needed each other the most. For instance, I took care of him and accompanied him when he needed to see a doctor or he always secretly gave me tons of money, so it worked out perfectly fine as long as it was between us. We shared twenty one years of our lifetime together and part of the moments are hard to bring up in the surface. Intimate as I felt, yet, his death didn't bring a tear in my eye.
Wondering, how possibly insensitive I could be, days passed on. There were final incidents which made no sense at all, moments that were hard to figure out. I kept on wondering why I was the last chosen person to speak with him before his final breath? Wondered why he had demanded to wear the suit I bought for him for his burial? Finally, after a zillion repetition of the same thought a conclusion presided in me unconsciously.
At times, you shouldn't solely live on expectation wishing everything is going to be alright. Sometimes its very important to let go. Most of the time, let beauty and love make a life worth to live in.
Had I not pushed my luck further, I would have never experienced the joy of being a member in a family. Family, in my opinion though long time ago, binded indivuduals unecessarily and complicated thing. But, there are things now that ought to be thanked such as emotions and love that are truely unconditional, truely human. On the process, I met my grandfather. A handsome, proud, self sufficient, stucked up old man. Obviously old since I wasn't around when he was young and yet not saggy old since he died ahead of his time. Affectionate we were to each other, as I surf through my memories. We did share the act of responding and helping in times when we both needed each other the most. For instance, I took care of him and accompanied him when he needed to see a doctor or he always secretly gave me tons of money, so it worked out perfectly fine as long as it was between us. We shared twenty one years of our lifetime together and part of the moments are hard to bring up in the surface. Intimate as I felt, yet, his death didn't bring a tear in my eye.
Wondering, how possibly insensitive I could be, days passed on. There were final incidents which made no sense at all, moments that were hard to figure out. I kept on wondering why I was the last chosen person to speak with him before his final breath? Wondered why he had demanded to wear the suit I bought for him for his burial? Finally, after a zillion repetition of the same thought a conclusion presided in me unconsciously.
At times, you shouldn't solely live on expectation wishing everything is going to be alright. Sometimes its very important to let go. Most of the time, let beauty and love make a life worth to live in.
The first lines
" Merely as an observer of natural phenomena, I am fascinated by my own personal appearance............... .................. ......................................I simply have a morbid interest in it."
My face, Robert Benchley, pg.510
" I wish to speak a word for Nature, for absolute freedom and wildness, as contrasted with a freedom and culture merely civil,- to regard man as an inhabitant, or a part and parcel of Nature, rather than a member of society"
Walking, Henry David Thoreau, pg. 480
" I had always supposed, dear friend, that loving your province as you do, you were resolved upon the practice, there, of detachment, scorn, silence."
Some blind Alleys: A letter, E.M Cioran,pg.404
" Just now, when everyone is bound, under the pain of a decree in absence convicting them of lese-respectability, to enter on some lucrative profession, and labour therein with something not far short of enthusiasm, a cry from the opposite party who are content when have enough, and like to look on and enjoy in the meanwhile, savours a little of bravado and gasconade"
An apology for Idlers,Robert Louis Stevenson, pg.222
" It is and inexpressible pleasure to know a little of the world, and be of no Character or Signigicancy in it"*****
Twenty-four Hours in London, Addison & Steele,pg.129
My face, Robert Benchley, pg.510
" I wish to speak a word for Nature, for absolute freedom and wildness, as contrasted with a freedom and culture merely civil,- to regard man as an inhabitant, or a part and parcel of Nature, rather than a member of society"
Walking, Henry David Thoreau, pg. 480
" I had always supposed, dear friend, that loving your province as you do, you were resolved upon the practice, there, of detachment, scorn, silence."
Some blind Alleys: A letter, E.M Cioran,pg.404
" Just now, when everyone is bound, under the pain of a decree in absence convicting them of lese-respectability, to enter on some lucrative profession, and labour therein with something not far short of enthusiasm, a cry from the opposite party who are content when have enough, and like to look on and enjoy in the meanwhile, savours a little of bravado and gasconade"
An apology for Idlers,Robert Louis Stevenson, pg.222
" It is and inexpressible pleasure to know a little of the world, and be of no Character or Signigicancy in it"*****
Twenty-four Hours in London, Addison & Steele,pg.129
First lines
Society..Under the Influence.
Greed, Envy, Adultery, Lust...a thought on it and the word "sin" pops in one's head but in truth prevails so commonly in today's society.
At times, I wonder why?
The quest of question marks to infinite answers, I wonder why never ends?
A patient Lovestory
Dreams, sweet dreams of love and joy, in reality though, nothing beats love in harshness, bitterness and complications.
Beautiful truth
Wherever truth lies, beauty and miracle arise.
The pain in silence
It's been long I have suffered this illness. It hurts so much but the feeling of pain doesn't exist. Nothing can cure it besides the inner strenght in me , which I lost with my memory.
Greed, Envy, Adultery, Lust...a thought on it and the word "sin" pops in one's head but in truth prevails so commonly in today's society.
At times, I wonder why?
The quest of question marks to infinite answers, I wonder why never ends?
A patient Lovestory
Dreams, sweet dreams of love and joy, in reality though, nothing beats love in harshness, bitterness and complications.
Beautiful truth
Wherever truth lies, beauty and miracle arise.
The pain in silence
It's been long I have suffered this illness. It hurts so much but the feeling of pain doesn't exist. Nothing can cure it besides the inner strenght in me , which I lost with my memory.
My Preferences of Titles
a) Society .....under the influence.
b) At times, I wonder why?
c) A Patient lovestory
d) Beautiful truth
e) The pain in silence
b) At times, I wonder why?
c) A Patient lovestory
d) Beautiful truth
e) The pain in silence
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Answers
a) The Conversational element: Certainly. I am in doubt about myself almost all the times. It tends to take alot of attention from my life. Growing through teenage and past couple years I really thought it would rush away but it never seems to end. It gets very frustrating when you have no idea about how you feel or how to feel at times. Confusing!
b) Honesty, Confession, Privacy: I do confess honestly if I have too. But, most of the times confessions are very rare in my life. I prefer to be very private, but with close friends I tend to loose my privacy.
c)The Contractions and Expansions of the Self: Quite comfortable actually. I guess discussing flaws is the only way I could improve it. But, I tend to hide some of my flaws and just keep it to myself. Past things I have done in my life certainly embarrasses me but I would try hard not to avoid it, if it is brought up any instance. Though, mistakes have taught me in my life. My experience is my knowledge and yeah I am in a way proud of it.
d)The Role of Contrariety : Depends who the others are. Apart from my close friends, not even family, yeah I feel very uncomfortable talking about things I know people will disagree.
e)The Problem of Egotism: Not at all. I guess that's one reason one work is unique from others.
f)Cheek and Irony : Yeah, it gets a little annoying with a stranger. Although, sometimes with friends I really don't mind. Mocking others is what I am good at but trying to get rid of it since I have sincerely realized that I could hurt others. So I avoid it.
g)The Idler Figure: A strict schedule for a certain period of time i.e may be a semester, but not entirely a year.
h)The Past, the Local, and the Melancholy: Yes, all the time and actually I would prefer to remain like this forever.
i)Questions of Form and Style : Writing narratives. I love to read any sort of material as long as I am getting something out of it.
j)Quotation and the Uses of Learning : No, I wouldn't consider myself as a well read. Yeah, sometimes if something is written so agreeable I wouldnt miss to quote it but rest of the times I just pass. I have writen about what I have read and how if affected me but I tend to do it more with movies.
j)The Personal Essay as Mode of Thinking and Being: Yes! I love changes. Steadiness and the same routine kills me.
b) Honesty, Confession, Privacy: I do confess honestly if I have too. But, most of the times confessions are very rare in my life. I prefer to be very private, but with close friends I tend to loose my privacy.
c)The Contractions and Expansions of the Self: Quite comfortable actually. I guess discussing flaws is the only way I could improve it. But, I tend to hide some of my flaws and just keep it to myself. Past things I have done in my life certainly embarrasses me but I would try hard not to avoid it, if it is brought up any instance. Though, mistakes have taught me in my life. My experience is my knowledge and yeah I am in a way proud of it.
d)The Role of Contrariety : Depends who the others are. Apart from my close friends, not even family, yeah I feel very uncomfortable talking about things I know people will disagree.
e)The Problem of Egotism: Not at all. I guess that's one reason one work is unique from others.
f)Cheek and Irony : Yeah, it gets a little annoying with a stranger. Although, sometimes with friends I really don't mind. Mocking others is what I am good at but trying to get rid of it since I have sincerely realized that I could hurt others. So I avoid it.
g)The Idler Figure: A strict schedule for a certain period of time i.e may be a semester, but not entirely a year.
h)The Past, the Local, and the Melancholy: Yes, all the time and actually I would prefer to remain like this forever.
i)Questions of Form and Style : Writing narratives. I love to read any sort of material as long as I am getting something out of it.
j)Quotation and the Uses of Learning : No, I wouldn't consider myself as a well read. Yeah, sometimes if something is written so agreeable I wouldnt miss to quote it but rest of the times I just pass. I have writen about what I have read and how if affected me but I tend to do it more with movies.
j)The Personal Essay as Mode of Thinking and Being: Yes! I love changes. Steadiness and the same routine kills me.
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